So here we go, another blog post to keep myself thinking out loud and documenting what I've been doing, incase i forget or need to remember. Progressive etc etc etc.
I am currently sat on a chair at my living room table. The Coffee is gone sadly and self control has taught me not to seek more unless I need more....which shall be later on in the day as I am doing Nightshift. You'll recall I work part time in Occupational Health? Well, recently I've been offered the opportunity to work two nightshifts a week for extra cash and I must say, it is certainly more than helpful. A godsend really, considering how things are going. Just how are things going? Well, before I continue I must remember to be grateful for all that I have.
Things are actually very good...I feel like I'm not putting as much pressure on myself as I am usually want to do. This is letting me carefully evaluate things as I go and as a positive beacon of re-invention I'm all for adapting to my situations and personal growth etc. I think that's what I'm trying to say, I'm growing. I've developed a thicker skin...armour like a Pangolin. I'm ok ya know? I have days just like everybody else where I can't move, or even look at anyone. Like a sort of paralysis...a fear...THE fear as such...It comes swiftly and costly and almost always without warning. The Black dog I mention in my song "Tombs". Ever present in my life but certainly not something I can't manage. I know what it is and i know how to deal with myself when it bites. It's these skinny dips, far too far into my own thoughts that are letting me unravel myself more and understand the kind of person I am or becoming. It's actually ok...it really is ok because the further you go the more futile everything seems and actually, I don't know how bad that really is in terms of gaining perspective on the things you think you want or that are important to you. So what if I can't make a career in my chosen field...very few people get to...Why shouldn't I fail? How upset can i get about it before it's time to move on? These are the things I ask of myself when I can't find joy...or meaning...but behind the person I'm presenting is the real me...shaking his head and saying "Don't give up"...and do you know what? I like that guy...that guy is fearless, he can do absolutely anything...we all can...why shouldn't we?
Your fucked if your rich and your fucked if your poor anyway, might as well just LIVE for all we're worth and try to experience the fullest of feelings we can possible muster...and that's what i'm doing. Yes i'm trying to become a successful singer songwriter...but that doesn't mean that that's all that I can be.
I do enjoy getting pumped up with the zest for life. It really helps to make sense of the people around you too. For a while now, I have had this morbid fear that I am a desolate Island that no one visits by choice...but are simply marooned upon...even if that where so...I an opportunity no matter what way I look at it. Whether their intent is to harm or heal...I firmly believe that no one can hurt me without my permission.
So maybe I've too much time on hands now as a result of creating a working life that doesn't get in the way of living. It is possible to do and I can prove it right?
I've been writing a new song called "I knew the boy who cried wolf" - as well as whole host of new material that i shall be debuting at this event
The Jury's still out on who the boy who cried wolf is/was...but come along to the gig to find out.
No comments:
Post a Comment